Loving Myself

Loving myself does not come easy.  I am a perfectionist.  I also grew up in a household where there was no positive feedback, just “do better, be better” type of mentality.  And those early years partly set the stage for how my brain was wired to think negatively about myself.  It’s not that we cannot break free from these negative habits, but they are extremely difficult to do so.  Just telling myself to stop being so negative, for instance, does not change overnight.  It is hard work to constantly stop the negative thoughts in their tracks, and say, “I am going to love myself and how I am at this very moment, no ifs ands or buts.”  It may not seem difficult to those who have never had to deal with this type of issue, who are naturally happy and confident with themselves, but having to refocus the thoughts every single second of the day, is so draining on every level.  By the end of the evening, I am exhausted.  Although it is not easy, the work that I am doing within myself is truly important and valuable, and have long lasting rewards.  Healing myself not is not only soul work, but I am becoming a better mother for my children.  I am teaching them that I have learned how important it is the words we say to ourselves.  That those words have the power to help or hurt us.  Children emulate what they see, and if they see me being loving and kind to myself, they will imitate that behavior.  So it may not look like I’m doing much, I’m just over here working through my traumas and loving myself more and more each day.  It may not seem like I’m doing a lot from the outside, but it is hard, exhaustive work on the inside.  And trust me, it is worthwhile.  I may be late to the race, but at least I’m still in it and not giving up.